This blog recently contacted Sir Paul McCartney about his relationship with our neighbor, and he kindly answered all our questions. Below is the transcript of our conversation.

Thank you, Sir Paul, for doing this call! I am so honored to speak with you.

It’s also my honor. I know Maggie has had strife with neighbors, but that can’t be you! She is such a lovely soul.

Well, sure. This is New York City. We all have a lot of neighbors.

Exactly! And the neighbors of my old pal, Maggie are the neighbors of my heart. Now, I imagine you are surprised at our relationship, considering I’m a legendary rock ‘n roll billionaire and she is a loony lady in Queens, but everything she says is absolutely true.

How do you and Maggie conduct your love affair?

It’s both complicated and simple. She mails things to me and my staff rejects them. She tweets at me and I and my staff ignore her. She asks me to meet her at “shithole hotels” and I don’t. She also emails and calls my office and I don’t answer.

So you don’t have a relationship with Maggie?

Oh no! Of course I do. What gave you that idea? Our relationship has a lot of give and, then more giving from her end. I, on the other hand, don’t take anything. Maggie knows that by not responding, I’m telling her I love her. The more I live my life without ever acknowledging her existence, the more she knows I love her sexually and on a deep friendship level.

Could you explain how Maggie wore your tour manager’s pants? She references that quite often.

No one likes to have their pants borrowed without permission. That’s all I will say except it was a wild tour.

Maggie frequently tweets photos to you of spots in Astoria where she thinks you should buy real estate.

Oh yes. She’s so keen on the real estate. I enjoy the photos she takes from the overflow parking lot for Laguardia Airport. I really groove on the tidbits of information and culture she shares with me. For example, Maggie values potable water because of her travels where she saw how important potable water truly is. Maggie shared that she said a prayer every day for potable water.

I’ve been drinking the wet stuff my whole life and never thought twice about it! Now, sometimes I too say a short prayer in my mind before I drink water.

I wonder how many prayers Maggie said after she set her garden hose to pour hundreds of gallons of potable water into our basement for five hours.

Probably a lot.

Would you, Sir Paul, estimate it to be ten thousand dollars worth of prayers, which does not include the cost for the rebuild?

That is a lot of praying! Goodness, what a fun question. Ask me another!

Do you like kimchi?

Now, Maggie’s neighbor, I feel a touch of hostility in that question. I do not enjoy the very spicy food so Maggie’s present was sweet but not quite to my taste.

So you noticed her birthday offering of refrigerated kimchi and a flipflop?

Oh, of course I saw that! Such a fetching flip flop it was, and chilled, to boot! Puns are my weakness, dear friends. Very sweet gift from my girl Maggie.

What was sweet about kimchi and one flip flop in a refrigerator? Please, we all want to know?

It’s clearly the thought behind it. Here’s one shoe. Without this shoe I can’t wear the other one, which is obviously about our love for the other. As for the kimchi, she’s a spicy lady, what can you say? I’m a vanilla guy, that’s the thing.

If you and Maggie did ever meet, what would you talk about?

Her! Obviously! We would talk about her life. She’s led a fascinating life and is now a retired stringer and retired dancer, just someone else I’ve fucked, as she likes to say.