In this particular manic phase of our neighbor Maggie, we have a new list of concerns. Below are mine unless otherwise noted.

1. She will find out where I escape to sleep when she blasts music through the bedroom.
2. She will attack me physically.
3. She will play music through my walls by the following bands, whom I still enjoy, and I will never be able to listen to those bands again:
   • The Eagles: How I love the Eagles lately. Years into my Eagles journey I still don’t understand what Desperado is about. Is it even their song? It could be by Linda Ronstadt. I’m not even checking because my time with the Eagles could be limited and I will not risk wasting it.*
   • The Grateful Dead: I spent my junior year of high school detecting just how people enjoyed the Grateful Dead. I mean, the Dead’s music was tinny trashy boring music that hippies played, and nobody in my hometown high school wanted to be mistaken for a hippie, believe me. But then I went to boarding school and everyone loved the Dead and no one could articulate why. So with great effort I found my way to the Dead and now I enjoy them. It would feel sad and inefficient if Maggie took the Grateful Dead from me.
   • Kasey Musgraves: she will never even know Kasey exists.
   • The Cars: Probably too poppy for her.
   • Tom Petty: this is an actual risk. I’m not that into Tom Petty right now because he’s spends a lot of time in a place of shame in his songs, and I’m not feeling like that lately. But eventually I will and I hope he will still be available.
4. Calvin’s list of music he fears Maggie will ruin are:
   • Steely Dan: Calvin loves Steely Dan and at this point, I do too.
   • Otis Redding: this is a new love, one apparently generated by my mother, who gave us her old records.
   • Talking Heads: so, so scary. She did play them for a week or so and tweeted about them too. However, it was nothing beyond Psycho Killer, which means she has no idea how great the Talking Heads actually are.
   • Elvis Costello: I would not care if Maggie took that guy, but Calvin would be crushed.
   • Roxy Music: Very slim chance that she will play Roxy Music.
   • The Police: Again, very slim chance.
5. I do not worry about her taking the following artists from us:
   • Bob Dylan. I’m done with Bob Dylan.
   • Joni Mitchell. I feel done with her too, but not as done as I feel with Dylan.
   • The BeeGees. I have been through many phases of love and contempt with the BeeGees over the course of my life, and I am confident I could bounce back to love if she deployed the BeeGees against us.

Are those all of my fears? Well, no, but these will do. Let’s leave it at the durability of the BeeGees and call it a day.

*If Maggie has an objection to the Eagles, like they are sexist, carelessly cruel, plastic, ski bum, misogynist bros who just lived a fun life in Aspen and LA, I will admit that her objection is valid. Yet I put the Eagles on the turntable every 2 to 3 days.