What was today? Today was the day Maggie screamed at the neighbor across the alley. Today was the day Maggie stopped being my family’s problem and become another family’s problem. I don’t want to overstate how big this step is. I see it as monumental but I have been wrong before.

The issue is that Maggie ran into Old Nick with her car. Yes, you read that right. Maggie backed that damn silver Prius (I’m done with fake naming car brands) into the legs of Old Nick, who is just across the alley from her.

She demanded payment for the damage to her car. He demanded something else, probably an apology. I got there too late for real news.

I went outside to video it with my phone because I am a harpy and I gave Joe a thumb-up but he would not make eye contact. That’s fine. It’s hard getting used to the eating of shit that accompanies dealing with Maggie. Yes, it’s not fair this crazy, mean person lives where she lives and acts as she acts and she should not run her car into your legs.

But she lives there and she does that and you better come up with a strategy, my friend.

And now for something long expected but never hoped for

The new supermarket opens tomorrow. Wyatt, Daisy, and I are going to the opening at 7AM! Calvin is driving past but he has to direct his show, which is more important than THE NEW SUPERMARKET one block from us. I have to get palm cards from a friend/neighbor (not crazy person) for The Candidate to pass out. I don’t know if I can work the supermarket parking lot that early but you never know.

One more classic social post from Maggie, this one starring moi

I Rock and Roll and I now need the bbc royalties from The Big One, not covered under Disney blanket @gma time to pay Maggie because Wendy Ditmarston sued me.

1) I changed the names.

2) I know about 75% of the references in this FB status.

I was eating my breakfast when I Love Rock ‘n Roll by Joan Jett came on her Pandora feed. I know this, because I heard it because I hear all her crap. She had been chewing on this royalty thing for a while now, so it was exciting to see that my pesky lawsuit was at the heart of the latest anxiety/rant/blame-a-thon.

As I write this Calvin and Wyatt are having a fake argument in accents ranging from Australian to German to Italian to Russian and then to Borat. It always ends as Borat. No one can keep a consistent accent.