It’s very very weird. Wyatt insists we eat outside on the deck rather than watch quality cable television shows together. Now Calvin and I often watch alone. The three of us have been doing drinks on the deck regularly and I do feel that Wyatt cruelly pushed the boundary of that to serve his own ends, which I don’t understand because he doesn’t tell us that much.

I’ve started asking him trick questions. Last night it was: “How’s the girlfriend?” just really casually. Another tactic is just saying, “Did anything interesting happen today?” or “what was the weirdest thing that happened today?” That was how we found out he was sentenced to 30 pushups at volleyball practice for disrespecting the equipment of the public school they were renting.

I was so impressed by the coach. He must have been so pissed and worried and yet he just made Wyatt do the pushups, assured him that it was not personal, and everyone moved on. Wyatt wasn’t that fazed by it. I mean, a coach punishing me would have crushed my soul into bits of ash if I knew I deserved it, which Wyatt did, partly because of how harsh the punishment was.

Friday Night Lights came into our family for a moment. No, really! In a sporting environment someone violated some rule, they were corrected, there was conflict, people had feelings, and then everyone was still friends! How beautiful is that?

Yesterday’s Wyatt question really came through! Being friends afterward with your antagonist and feeling normal after any conflict is one of the beautiful things about being alive. It’s very new to me and it’s such a joy. I’m astounded that there aren’t news articles about this but then I suspect other people may not consider this news or may not notice it. Well, their loss!

I may put too much emphasis on this aspect of life because I come from an extended family of cutters-off.¹ It’s always top of mind for me—expecting to be cut off by everyone I know in all contexts.

Let’s move on to my latest emotional issue with Maggie

I mentioned on Le Blog that she posted a screed on Facebook about Calvin being a failed musician and a bad editor who abused poor Maggie out of bitterness at his failures. Someone posted a comment, agreeing with her that those who abuse others out of the bile of bitter failure are bad.

I’m still mad about it, so I wrote a response and DIDN’T SEND IT. But I did edit it and make it really good and now I’m going to post it here.

Shall we address the elephant in the room? Don’t be shy. I began writing this because my neighbor was obsessed with my family and we were helpless and she tortured us and we couldn’t stop it. So I wrote it down and put it behind a password because I was afraid beyond rational thought (I can’t take the passwords off yet. I’m still scared. She still owns the house).

But now, today, I am writing a response to a comment from a woman I don’t know on Facebook and putting in out there.

So yes, I am obsessed with Maggie too, and maybe have a worse case of it than she does

She has a number of targets to focus on and I only have her. But let’s move along to my obsessively crafted comeback to a stranger on the internet. Let’s not lose our focus. If I’m obsessed, I’m obsessed. It’s not going to change this very day.

Dear Old Friend of Maggie on Facebook,

Hi, you recently commented on a post of my neighbor, Maggie, about how my husband (a failed musician and failed film editor) was very mean to her. You commiserated with Maggie about people who failed in life then taking out their impotent rage upon others. 

I’m sure you thought, “whew, that will placate this crazy woman my old friend has become! How sad for her! Such a lovely person decades ago.” 

Well, I just need to clear up the facts. 

Maggie’s charge #1: Calvin is a failed musician. 

Calvin took drum lessons in a year during middle school. That’s his music career, so he failed musically in 1979. However, the statute of limitations on creative, non-published failure is ten years, so that failure (and I’m generously GIVING her this interpretation of failure. It’s a stretch) has long expired.

Maggie’s charge #2: Calvin is a failed editor.

In 1990 Calvin was editing the Mothers Milk home video by the Red Hot Chili Peppers. He started off as a music video editor and this was a big job and he was 23 years old. His computer crashed and he lost a ton of work, so he stayed up all night recreating it. The video did well and was not a failure. I can’t even find any mention of it online but Calvin got paid.

Stupidly Calvin told Maggie these two facts about himself at a barbecue about 15 years ago. He thought he was making small talk. She thought he was confessing his saddest failures.

Just so it’s clear, we aren’t suing Maggie because we’re bitter failures. We are suing her because she flooded our basement, slandered us as publicly as she could could, sent CPS, the cops, the firemen and the garbage men after us, and played music through the wall our houses share for days on end. 

Your mealy-mouthed encouragement fuels her nastiness. I handle all of Maggie’s attacks regularly and this one stood out because of you.

*Cutter-offers, cut-offers?