I still have only two modes of being: focused on getting stuff done or prone. It’s not the way I’d like to be.

Now I’m trying to write something interesting and just coming up empty. When in doubt, a bulleted list can help, so let’s do this day by grey, dismal day.

Monday: It snowed. Calvin was in the studio. Daisy, home from college, was meeting a friend and suddenly the house was mine. It was cold in my basement lair and the work I had to do didn’t require a second screen, so I brought my computer upstairs, texted my trusty weed guy, and did work and waited.

I’ve had the same weed guy for nearly seven years, I think. I think the guy may have changed, and the car went from a Mazda to a Nissan, but I am very grateful for the continuity. The legal weed stores are not near me and I am not waiting in line in Manhattan. I’ve bought legal weed in California and Colorado and am a huge pro in all ways, except that I get caught up in the accessories in the legal stores.

I don’t want to buy flower from the unofficial weed stores. This is the most seriously I’ll take the fentanyl-sprinkled-in-the-weed worries, although it seems like a really stupid business decision to sell doctored weed from an illegal store front. I stick with my guy in the Nissan, and then go through many quiet contortions of mixing it with CBD flower, which is hemp flower, basically, in order to cut down on my usage.

We had tofu stir fry, made by me and a masterful dish, if I do say so myself, and Fresh Direct came in the middle of the cooking, and we watched Party Down together. This was the high point of the day.

The cats were very friendly.

Tuesday: I had to do more work and the day was sad. My art partner is on vacation and without her, the days are quiet. I think the rest of us did some intense teamwork so that was satisfying.

I took a little walk around 5pm. This is what I would like to do every day. Smoke a little weed and roam the neighborhood but I do it, maybe, once a week, although I do it more when it’s warm. Today I just walked and moped, then ended up in the jumped-up health food store that offers products with very little rhyme or reason. The produce is not that great, either.

I have a low-level lunch obsession with this tofu noodle dish I make and love and I get very worried I’ll run out of the noodles. Generally, I find it hard to stock my favorite lunch food because Calvin does not support it.

He might deny it but it’s clear to me that he does not approve of my desire to eat lunch alone. He wants to eat all meals together! Who thinks like that? Weekday lunches are work lunches, and that means on your own time and at your own discretion. Calvin would never admit to any of this, but trust me. He’s the enemy of my solitary lunch.

I need a plan or a resolution for getting my tofu noodle delight. I like to use spinach in it, and if I buy it, Calvin might swipe it for a community meal. He’s annoying that way.

All right, I’ve wandered way off the day. I’ll address the vibes around the solitary lunch later. I started the whole health food store anecdote because I wanted to write about the couple checking out before me. They were so excited to be in this weird store. The guy kept telling the cashier about what a pain it is to own your own house.

That night Daisy and I went to the UES for dinner with my cousin and her oldest child, who is a senior at Stuyvesant and has just decided what she’s doing next year. I helped her with her college essays and have been dying to see what she’s like in real life.

She was a very cool kid and is, drum roll please, joining the IDF. I am so proud of her and impressed by the decision. She really didn’t want to go to college and she really wanted to be in Israel, and so she is doing what she wants. And clearly I was hugely helpful with my essay editing.

We had a good time. It’s thrilling to be in regular touch with my cousin. My family has a hard time with family connection.

I think my cousin’s best childhood friend may join for a dinner, and she was a total hoot.

Wednesday: The most fraught day of the week but much less fraught than second Wednesdays of previous months. It’s the big PTA meeting.

The inner PTA pod gets very anxious the days before the meetings. There’s agenda writing and timing and translators and guest speakers and minutes. It was so scary last time because we were challenging the DOE about where our real principal is. We have an interim now. It’s just a dumbass mess.

I felt like I ploughed through pretty valiantly although I did take a few stress naps. The meeting was really good, people said. We’re recruiting for the exec board for next year, so that was fun to talk about. I mean, there was nothing last year and now there is a community and action, and it’s due to the PTA.

Running the meetings is tiring. That said, I do it without a lot of freaking out. It used to scare me the death. It’s quite shocking to see the fear curve just descend and I’m trying to keep this in mind when I think about doing other things that are scary.

I wish we could do it in person so I could feel the other people’s vibes.

Then Daisy’s friend from college was staying over so we had a dinner party and realized we need to eat at the table together and no one has any social skills anymore.

The cats were rattled because the cleaning person was here all day and then a stranger stayed overnight. They didn’t spend that much time with us at night, except for when Venus did some aggressive grooming on top of me at 5am. Her leg licking was so athletic that she seemed to be smacking me with her entire body. That is kind of a bummer when you want to sleep. So I moved her off me, and then she came back and again, the aggressive grooming. So I pushed her away again.

Maybe that’s where things went wrong.

Thursday: I had the tofu lunch. So great. Bean noodles, half a thing of firm tofu, in a miso sesame sauce, with frozen peas and chopped kale. You just boil the noodles and the peas and the kale, and then everything else is cold, and so it’s kind of cold to warm but it’s the best lunch I’ve ever invented.

We had really good chicken schwarma with yogurt sauce for dinner and watched Party Down.

The cats were MIA.

Friday: Today. Exercise with a beautiful morning sky over the East River (my boyfriend river), and all the regulars were out. I say hello to maybe 4 of them. There’s a guy I used to say hi to and now I don’t. I think we’re in a fight. But it’s getting onto spring and I am considering befriending a new person at the park. I just don’t factor in humanity in the morning. It’s a dilemma.

Then some work, tuna salad lunch (a lunch obsession circa 1998 and which I now find underwhelming and seldom delicious), then Costco with Calvin. Now I’m here.

The cats are definitely pissed. Venus is outright snubbing me right now. I don’t know what their deal is.