The despair is thick in the air today, although I didn’t go outside. The smoke from the burning Canadian forests is blowing through New York and it is wild. This happened in Paonia, Colorado, one summer when I brought Wyatt back for a week during the pandemic. There were forest fires around us and we got the smoke. Wyatt was pretty ticked off I dragged him to Colorado instead of letting him molder around his room when he got back from camp, but I needed a buffer with my mom. That’s partly why I grew the children in the first place.

I mean, not consciously. But the kids make marvelous buffers.

Both kids appreciate my mother in ways I can’t. Sadly they also criticize me when I act like my mother, like when I pick tiny fights in order to demonstrate a dance move, or when I create contests with them and try to win every time. I know why my mom is the way she is. I know exactly why it is. Because she is having a very good time doing the her thing. And to her credit, it’s much less painful than it used to be. I mean, it used to be non-stop digging at me. Now it’s intermittent digging and some fun times in Zumba classes and water aerobics and drinking wine and eating.

Because my mom’s way is a hell of a good time. Except when I try to do just a fraction of it I get nailed to the cross. I don’t do the digging but I do do the gentle nudging in service of a little more fun (for me and perhaps for others).

Calvin does it too.

The favorite family contest I have created thus far

It’s about the show Fringe, starring Anna Torv, a beautiful woman who rarely smiles. She’s so relaxing. She was the same way in The Last of Us, and I really appreciate her for it.

I believe everyone should watch Fringe. We started during the pandemic and because Daisy forbade us from watching it while she is away at college, we are still watching it. The contest occurs at the credit sequence, after the cold open. Fragments of technologically slick metal spin onto the screen to form the word, “Fringe” and whoever says “Fringe!” first, in an intense way, wins. I tend to win although it’s really hard to tell.

I suspect we all personally believe we win. The contest continues with lesser intensity in trying to name the graphic that signal the commercial break. People aren’t always paying attention and yelling out, “apple with a baby like an apple seed” is harder than screaming Fringe at the top of your lungs. Also we’re eating dinner and maybe we’re chewing.

I hope this isn’t the first day of the apocalypse.