Maggie texted Calvin a swastika on Monday. She’s been texting him a lot. She’s been very feisty, very sparky for the past few weeks. The neighbors are agitated by the fake parking spot and that she hoses down her employees as she screams at them in the front yard. The woman I saw Maggie hosing last week—the neighbors on the other side of us drove her home to Ozone Park that night. They were walking out the door and saw her crying on the sidewalk and drove her home. I felt very grateful and humbled by that story. I yelled at Maggie for her! They actually did something.

So we’re all in on the bad behavior and the escalation. We’re all watching and trying not to watch, wondering if it will be the epic hurricane of the pandemic freakout. That was, for me, the equivalent of being on the crew of Apocalypse Now, where everyone was going nuts and acting up. I have memories of barely sleeping and it was hot and the cops kept coming and CPS kept coming and the music kept going and we were stuck. I know exactly how Martin Sheen felt.

I know it won’t come to that. The pandemic isn’t happening, life is more normal, Trump is not currently the president, and I am much more standing in my own shoes than I had been.

The swastika threw me though! It shocks me that she sent it. Maggie is obsessed with how she presents, as someone who loves everyone, especially gay people. She has flags proclaiming love of all people that she periodically claims that we steal. She has prayer flags. That she would go on the record as an antisemite SHOCKS me. And that leads me to believe that she is scarily crazy right now and I need to be on my watch.

I am also letting my anger at her show

Whenever I see her on the stoop, if I feel the need, I tell her off. I tell her that she’s a jerk and an antisemite and that I loathe her and everyone does. Does it make me feel better? It does in the moment. I haven’t seen her in a while–we do avoid her if she’s wildly spraying her hose and cackling at people so we leave from the back. Last week Calvin, Shane/Wyatt (can’t decide, sorry) went to Lidl to each buy what we wanted and we slipped out the back.

It was a fun shopping trip. I got kiwis and laundry detergent. Shane/Wyatt got ice cream and apple sauce (he had his wisdom teeth out and apple sauce was the favorite), and Calvin got beer and whatever ingredients for dinner. But no one could face her even as we were so mad that we altered our behavior because she was so unpleasant.

I told my mother about how I was dealing with Maggie (by verbally abusing her) and she got very judgy and sad for me. That, of course, irritated me. I know it’s not the healthiest or most graceful way to deal with this person, but it’s what I want to do right now. She sent my husband a swastika and I’m very angry with her, so angry that I’m going to yell at her when I see her. That’s how it is right now.

I told my mother to back off in a very nice way.