We move slowly right now in the deep chill of February 2022. Nothing much is happening and everything is happening. Mostly what is happening inside the house is the total disruption of the feline reality due to the arrival of the big orange cat. Honeybear is here now. And he is a brute. But oh… Continue reading We are drifting with purpose

In the time before Maggie, I was not often afraid. Because I am fearful more often now, possibly often-often since Maggie bonkered up, I can examine my fear very closely. I’m very focused on short-term safety while in the fear thrall. Thursday we drove to Bard College for a morning tour and then to Vassar… Continue reading The minutia of fear

We are here, in Astoria, in the beautiful fall. Daisy has finished her college essay, Wyatt is super tall and enjoying high school, and Calvin just made a big move at work. I am 9 pounds too heavy and dreading the diet but the holidays are coming and so is my mother, so I need… Continue reading Where we are

Oh, the summer was not what we’d all hoped for but it wasn’t all bad. We got one single beautiful beach day in, and then Wyatt got an extra beach day with a friend, the very next day. Last summer we tried to go to the beach and ended up driving back when all the… Continue reading Autumn is upon us

Maggie is not at home. She is living in hotels as her house is cleansed of mold and rot. Last summer Maggie spent 6 days in the psych ward–her second stint–and left her bathtub running for all 6 of those days. Inside her house just melted into wet, rotten wood. Something happened to her furnace… Continue reading She gets me. She really gets me

Today, a brisk Monday that brought me no joy, I answered a call and it was Mrs. C from IS141, telling me that Wyatt should be in school today. I had opted both kids back into blended learning two weeks ago, but there had been radio silence about the start date. I have, I must… Continue reading Normalesque-ish-mente

Today was so recognizable it hurt. Wyatt had school pictures so he put on a button-down shirt and jeans. There are a couple of extraordinary things about Wyatt right now, the first being that he is tall, like a man. He is 5 foot eleven inches and he is 13 years old. He’s also a… Continue reading Normalesque, or last week up through today

What was today? Today was the day Maggie screamed at the neighbor across the alley. Today was the day Maggie stopped being my family’s problem and become another family’s problem. I don’t want to overstate how big this step is. I see it as monumental but I have been wrong before. The issue is that… Continue reading Action in the alley